Tell me a joke

[BMR Genie]

"A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?" "OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic.But let me ask you a question first." "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?" "Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea." "Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

 

[RRsilver]

True story.
My wife was no longer happy in our marriage (maybe she never was) So she ask me for a divorce.
I didn't feel the same way and with my daughter only 2 years old wanted to keep the family together.
So one night I set her down, and said look I still love you more than anything and don't want a divorce.
I told her, tell me what you need I am willing to do anything to stay married to you and be with my daughter everyday.
Ill change what ever it is about me that you don't like .
I willing to do anything. Just tell me what to do, or not to do and I will do it.

She said ok, it's that breathing, in and out I can't stand it, could you stop it.

 

[BMR Genie]

True story.
My wife was no longer happy in our marriage (maybe she never was) So she ask me for a divorce.
I didn't feel the same way and with my daughter only 2 years old wanted to keep the family together.
So one night I set her down, and said look I still love you more than anything and don't want a divorce.
I told her, tell me what you need I am willing to do anything to stay married to you and be with my daughter everyday.
Ill change what ever it is about me that you don't like .
I willing to do anything. Just tell me what to do, or not to do and I will do it.

She said ok, it's that breathing, in and out I can't stand it, could you stop it.

So, did you end up divorcing her, RR?

 

[BMR Genie]

"Three guys sit in a bar complaining about their wives. The first guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries an automatic garage door opener in her car and she doesn't have a garage door." The second guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she listens to an iPod and she doesn't have any earphones." The third guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries a purse full of condoms and she doesn't even have a d**k."

 

[JDS]

"Three guys sit in a bar complaining about their wives. The first guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries an automatic garage door opener in her car and she doesn't have a garage door." The second guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she listens to an iPod and she doesn't have any earphones." The third guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries a purse full of condoms and she doesn't even have a d**k."

Haven't been in this thread for some time now and didn't have to travel far to find a good one

 

[RRsilver]

So, did you end up divorcing her, RR?

Well, she divorced me. My daughter is now 25 ( she was 3 when we divorced) and in her last semester of Law school @ The University of Tennessee. I'm very proud of her. She has a job waiting on her to graduate. They help low income people that can't always afford legal help.

 

[JDS]

Well, she divorced me. My daughter is now 25 ( she was 3 when we divorced) and in her last semester of Law school @ The University of Tennessee. I'm very proud of her. She has a job waiting on her to graduate. They help low income people that can't always afford legal help.

Thanks for sharing that was good story and I love how you incorporated some humor in it. At the end of the day that's the best way to deal with things.

 

[RRsilver]

Three ladies work in an office together. All three had recently gotten new boyfriends. Their boyfriends were all named Leroy. One of them said we need nicknames for them so we don't get confused about which Leroy is calling. One lady said that they could name them after soft drinks and I will go first. I'm going to call mine Mt. Dew. They ask why She went with Mt. Dew? She said because he likes my mountains and he sho can do it.

The second said I'll call mine 7 up, because he got about 7 and it's always up.

The third said I'm going to call mine Jack Daniels. The other two said waite a minute that aint no soft drink, it's a hard liquor and she said he sho is.

 

[BMR Genie]

Well, she divorced me. My daughter is now 25 ( she was 3 when we divorced) and in her last semester of Law school @ The University of Tennessee. I'm very proud of her. She has a job waiting on her to graduate. They help low income people that can't always afford legal help.

You survived and you have a wonderful smart daughter! Salute to you, RR!

 

[RRsilver]

You survived and you have a wonderful smart daughter! Salute to you, RR!

It's been 21 years. So I moved on a long time ago. When I tell that story, in person about my divorce it's different than I can put it in a post. Thanks for your kind words and support.

 

[maltedhopsfrenzy]

Three ladies work in an office together. All three had recently gotten new boyfriends. Their boyfriends were all named Leroy. One of them said we need nicknames for them so we don't get confused about which Leroy is calling. One lady said that they could name them after soft drinks and I will go first. I'm going to call mine Mt. Dew. They ask why She went with Mt. Dew? She said because he likes my mountains and he sho can do it.

The second said I'll call mine 7 up, because he got about 7 and it's always up.

The third said I'm going to call mine Jack Daniels. The other two said waite a minute that aint no soft drink, it's a hard liquor and she said he sho is.

A classic…..

 

[BMR Genie]

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

 

[BMR Genie]

"A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

 

[Tanko]

"A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

My sister in-law is psychiatrist. Send this one to her.
Thanks.

 

[DiggityDaggityDo]

What's the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn't beat cancer.

 

[BMR Genie]

What's the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn't beat cancer.

I see you have a dark joke here, DDD.

 

[DiggityDaggityDo]

I see you have a dark joke here, DDD.

Genie yes. It’s so dark that it might get shot by the police.

 

[BMR Genie]

Genie yes. It’s so dark that it might get shot by the police.

Like for real! lol.. (Knock on the wood).

 

[Tanko]

What's the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn't beat cancer.

 

[DiggityDaggityDo]

Like for real! lol.. (Knock on the wood).