Tell me a joke

[BMR Genie]

A Man goes to a Lawyer.

M: What's your fee?
L: $1000 for 3 questions.
M: Wow...isn't that a bit expensive?
L: Yes it is. What is your third question?

This is a lawyer / Genie in the bottle.

 

[kostasmalina]

Do you know why there’s no gambling in Africa?
Because there are too many cheetahs.

 

[kostasmalina]

Why is gambling illegal in China?
Because they hate Tibet.

 

[kostasmalina]

This is my fav lol

Did you hear about the gambler who doesn’t see his wife & kids anymore?
It’s all due to gambling. He won a lottery and moved to Hawai’i.

 

[kostasmalina]

Yo mama so stupid, she lost $50 betting on a football game and another $50 betting on the sports report on the news.

 

[BMR Genie]

"A man suspects his wife of cheating on him. So he pretends to leave for work, and an hour later he goes back, races upstairs and catches his wife in bed but alone. He races to the window and sees a man putting on his jacket running away from his house. Enraged he races downstairs, rips the fridge out of the wall races back upstairs and throws the fridge at the running man. The fridge hits the man, killing him instantly. The jealous man has strained his body and his heart gives out and he dies.
At the pearly gates, St Peter calls ‘next. How did you die?’
Our hero states ‘in a fit of jealous rage, I threw a refrigerator at a man who I believe was sleeping with my wife. ‘
St Peter replies ‘Tsk Tsk. Anger is a terrible thing. But you are forgiven. In you go. Next. How did you die?’
The next man says ‘well my alarm didn’t go off and I was running late to catch my bus when this fridge came from out of nowhere and hit me. And now I’m here.’
St Peter says ‘Punctuality is important but not a mortal sin. In you go. Next. How did you die?’
’There I was, naked, cold and scared, hiding in a fridge …."

 

[BMR Genie]

 

[Tanko]

View attachment 33107

Genie, would you have pushed your hubby in?

 

[BMR Genie]

Genie, would you have pushed your hubby in?

For $1M, Tank? Yes, definitely yes.

It's a win-win situation, if he survives we will both enjoy the $1M and if he does not, I will collect the insurance.

 

[Tanko]

For $1M, Tank? Yes, definitely yes.

It's a win-win situation, if he survives we will both enjoy the $1M and if he does not, I will collect the insurance.

 

[maltedhopsfrenzy]

For $1M, Tank? Yes, definitely yes.

It's a win-win situation, if he survives we will both enjoy the $1M and if he does not, I will collect the insurance.

 

[BMR Genie]

"Question: Why are hurricanes sometimes named after women?


Answer: When they come they’re wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them."

 

[sunshine11]

What celebrity has cereal in the morning?

Reese With-er-spoon

hahaha

 

[DiggityDaggityDo]

I went to the doctors recently. He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty”.

I asked: “like what? Bacon and burgers?

He said: “No fatty, don’t eat anything”

 

[BMR Genie]

I went to the doctors recently. He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty”.

I asked: “like what? Bacon and burgers?

He said: “No fatty, don’t eat anything”

Can we sue the doctor for being honest?

 

[BMR Genie]

 

[BMR Genie]

Emotional damage.

"I went to the store and bought a personal pizza. The cashier said “let me guess, your single?”

“Why? Because I bought a personal pizza?” I replied.

“No”, he said, “because you’re ugly.”

 

[DiggityDaggityDo]

Life hack:

Turn any sofa into a bed by telling your wife to calm down.

 

[RRsilver]

An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
The bouncer is a blonde girl.
I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.

 

[BMR Genie]

"An old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise.
He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.
He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire."
Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"
Boy says "Gonna catch some chickens."
Old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.
Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand.
Old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape."
Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"
Boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks."
Old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!"
Boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.
Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end.
Old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy says "It's a pussy willow."
Old man says "Wait up ... I'll get my hat.""